Transparency….

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Transparency
It’s something I’m not that great at. Meaning, when it comes to people really knowing me, I only let out so much of me before I start becoming to transparent. Therefore, only a few very select people in my life really know everything about me and what my struggles are or even when I’m having a day that honestly just sucks. Yep…on this blog I rarely show you a more personal side of me, but today I felt like maybe I should.

The reason I bring this all up is this. I saw a friend on Wednesday. I hadn’t seen him in a few months and we were talking about how great it was to see each other and how we don’t get to hang out much. Then he said… "you know i’ve been going through a really dark time the past couple of months" He says this to me right out of the blue. As we talked, all i could think about were two things. 1. How transparent he is to be able to tell me this. 2. How i wish i was more open to my friends. This really hit me because on Tuesday of this week I had one of those days that just truly sucked. I went to a very close friend and we talked at length about it and then there was another guy I’m friends with how when he saw me that day is just asked… Dude, how’s it going? I looked at him and said, You know…today just sucks. I’m dealing with some things I haven’t dealt with in a while and its a honest reminder of why I am where I am in life and how I got here and the pain attached to some of it hurts . we talked briefly and went on our way.

The rest of the day I spent trying to deal with the emotion of it all then to find myself at a worship event in the middle of tornado sirens…it was a crazy day. I hate tornados by the way…

So when I saw my friend on wednesday and he opened up to me, I thought…sometimes, i need not to keep it all in all the time, but trust my life more with my friends and let them see a side of me that doesn’t come out all that much.

I post this all because I wonder how many of you are like this? Do you have friends you trust and love enough to go deep with? To send out an SOS to every now and then and just say… i need help, i need a listening ear…
I’m thankful for more dear close friends that love me, my family, and the conversations I get into that take me to a new level. Without them, life would be tragically tough.

Yep…there’s the more personal side of me…life is real, it’s grand, fun, glorious, beautiful and it sometimes is a mess…enjoy your day and challenge yourself to step out more…i’m going to.

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  • http://bjharris.wordpress.com BJ Harris

    Spence,

    I can totally relate…ironically, my life tends to mirror my vocation. I live an illusion.

    The other day, I was meeting with a friend/marketing consultant regarding blogs/social networking sites/web 2.0 stuff. I was explaining my struggle with the new form of “content-driven” marketing rooted in transparency, because in the past, my view of marketing has always been that it’s a battle of perceptions.

    The goal has always been to create the perception of what I want to be – busy, in-demand, professional, respected, etc. So, all of my marketing and advertising contributes to the perception that I am those things, so that I can become those things. After all, don’t people want to hire people who are in-demand already?

    The problem is, that mentality penetrated my personal life. (Should they ever be separated?) I’ve spent my entire life managing relationships and creating illusions. I’ve done everything in my power to create perceptions in other people’s minds of how I want them to view me.

    I wanted people to think I’m successful, so I bought a big house I shouldn’t have. Then I wanted people to think I was humble, so I sold that one and bought a small one. Then I went on to tell people the story of how I bought a big house, then sold it to move into a smaller one. “Look how humble I am…”

    The bottom line is that it’s all I’ve ever done. The result has been shallow relationships, and a life filled with a lack of genuine character. I know, it was stupid. And the plan totally back fired.

    This morning at my church, my pastor had a panel discussion on suffering. Someone didn’t show up, so just before the service he told me I was going to be on the panel. I said, “No thanks.” He said, “You don’t have a choice.”

    My first thought was, “Crap. If I knew I was going to be on stage, I would’ve worn cooler clothes.” Obviously, it’s still a constant struggle for me, and will be for a long time. But I’m slowly learning because I can taste freedom.

    So anyway, just wanted you to know that I’m with you. We must create safe places, especially in the church, where people from all walks of life can be authentic and transparent. And it has to start at leadership, because authenticity breeds authenticity.

    Only through our authentic admittance of pain and suffering, can true healing begin to occur. It will change the face the christianity, and therefore the face of Jesus.

    Welcome to the journey…