I don't have a problem with that, there are lots of women in my life I'd call my mentors and many that I talk with regularly when I need put back on the right path. Whether they be artists, other mothers, etc. I find it easy to connect with other women that are "like" me. Perhaps some women have trouble making those connections, finding that common ground.

Great point! Mentorship, for women, is a huge unfilled void. I know of a whole group of women whom I know are LONGING for this kind of thing.

Why isn't it happening? Women fill so many roles that it's really hard to pull away and nurture ourselves at the same time other women are able to pull away from their lives to the same. It's often a coordination nightmare. For some (okay, for me) there are seasons of life when it just seems too hard, maybe even too self-indulgent during certain season of life… even if I'm the mentor. But I miss it.

I think if we took mentorship in bite-sized chunks of time if might seem less overwhelming… maybe four or six weeks at a time? Heck, maybe ONE meeting we set up just for honest conversation and interaction!

Also – for some busy women, moms with young children, or people who travel extensively – perhaps "cyber-mentoring" would be an interesting concept – maybe via Skype. Probably after a few really good mentoring meetings/conversations, most women would feel motivated to make it a priority because of the value it adds to our lives. Many don't know what they're missing. But if we get into a situation where it's not clicking, a short-term commitment would decrease the stress of trying to keep it going indefinitely.

Well, I think maybe we are mentoring, we just call it by a different name. Doesn't nurturing come more naturally for women than for men? If we can't call mentoring a form of nurturing maybe that's the reason it's harder for us. Our plates are already so full of "taking care of the world" that we don't take time to focus on our own development.

I smell a change in the air though. The winds are definitely shifting! Exciting things ahead…

I think it's sometimes hard for us to find mentors because the qualities we're looking for aren't easy to see from the outside. I don't need a big-time leader or a great public speaker. I need a person with patience, a good mom, a woman who makes her husband better. Behind the scenes stuff. And so it's hard for me to identify those people.
And then once I do identify them, they're often not very good at articulating what makes them good. We women seem less aware of the superstructure of our success. We don't pay as much attention to why things works as we do to making them work–and how we feel about the way they work.
I'd also go with Anne. I've been too proud (or jealous or petty or whatever) in the past and it's kept me from healthy relationships. Which also relates to what Carol said–we don't often do vertical relationships.

For me, it's mostly fear – fear of rejection, fear of picking the wrong person, fear of it not being what I hope it will be.

Also, I think this may be even harder for single women. Most established mentoring programs revolve around young wives and mothers teaming up with women who are now grandmothers (Apples of Gold, for example).

I know it can be done though. The church my mother goes to started a mentoring program for the women and it's been very successful. It took a lot of prayer (to match up the correct people) and commitment, but most of the pairs are still together, even after the official program has ended (which was kind of the point).

Since your prior post on mentoring, I've been in much thought and conversations with others. In fact, randomly (or not so random? Not sure) it was indirectly pointed out to me that the person I've been having lunch with once a week is a wonderful mentor and in the prayer by my pastor he brought out that perhaps others in our congregation would seek her out and she'd be discerning on who to spend her time with in this process.

It hit me: She's my mentor! I complained I had none, that no one liked me, etc. and yet failed to see that perhaps this was quite intentional. Instead of making me instantly happy that YAY I have a mentor! I instead felt hurt that all I was to her was a project. There is a part of me that wants to be autonomous. On further reflection I realized that I'm quite happy to have her in my life, whether one calls it a mentor or a friend.

I wonder if since I'm an introvert if a group of women wouldn't be conducive for mentoring for me? It seems to me that in the groups I've been into, even some that were supposed to be "care groups" or Bible studies, there's always one person (the same person) that has such GREAT needs and struggles and the group revolves around them. (and it's not me! My cares and struggles are generally quite common and mundane)

I don't know. I loved hearing all the responses above and agree with the reasons why we have a harder time, especially in regards to fear, insecurity, risk, etc.

I read a very interesting post (@lnobles) the other day that shook my world up a bit as I wondered if I'm just the type of person that no one sees value in investing their time in. That's not exactly truth because I've many friends but I do desire a deeper bond of friendship and often that is a bit revealing and scary. We're applauded for being authentic and 'real' and yet at the same time it seems to be why some turn away…. I don't want to be negative or depressing (yet obviously I'm not a very lighthearted person!) yet I want to be more than shallow and have others reciprocate that depth.

Today I realized that one can be genuine and authentic and not draining, and often it has to do with so many factors and variables that it's hard to pinpoint in writing!

I'm happy to say that I have a wonderful mentoring relationship that is in many ways reciprocal; we learn from each other. She indulges me in my strange questions and even my raw, written out loud, uncensored thoughts. (I don't swear, just sometimes don't sugarcoat things) She listens. I listen. I'm receptive to learning (sometimes) and she's gentle and goes at my pace and loves unconditionally.

I thank your post (and my pastor's prayer) to help me realize what a treasure she is in my life. I'm still not sure about groups of women getting together under one mentor though! I'll have to experience it to believe it!

Interesting, the comments you've received. While I agree with what they're saying about women – insecure, afraid of rejection, too busy trying to handle their own world, possible mentor candidates seem too busy, etc…I think there's a key factor that I didn't see raised. And, I do mean KEY:

While many women desperately WANT mentors, VERY FEW consider themselves worthy to be one!

While most women feel they're doing all they can handle, they also do what they do and think there is absolutely nothing special enough about it (or us) that's worth passing on. Talk to churches who've tried to implement mentoring programs for women and I expect you'll find 2 main problems: the one I've mentioned (1) many women who want a mentor; very few who feel qualified to be one, and (2) connecting – physically (as in trying to coordinate their schedules as time is a big factor – we give it to our family, friends, & jobs, almost always feeling we're shortchanging those we're already tied too) and emotionally (this would be far more important for women than for men as we are so dang relationship wired.

This is what I've seen and I've led Bible studies since I was 19, discipled many girls & women over the years, travel and talk with lots of women as a speaker, and mentor several individually now. The only time I wasn't closely working with a woman was when I was up to my eyeballs traveling as a speaker, authoring books, & trying to care for my growing family at the same time. We are a complicated lot, us girls. We yearn for natural connection, but often stand in our own way.

Thanks for trying to understand us )

Because of Him,
Vickey Banks
http://www.vickeybanks.blogspot.com

I agree with Cindy – I think we have Mentoring, but we call it a different name and I think most times we don't recognize what we have with our circle of Friends is mentoring. Unlike guys we don't (well I don't) seek out a mentor, but we do seek out friends to keep us in check. And with those friends we don't even have to see each other on a regular basis to keep each other in check.

Think women also have different friends for different reasons/occasions. Currently I have a hard time finding women in the same "boat" as me. I am a married, working mom of two boys. We are the only family on our block where we both have professional jobs outside of the house. Plus, we are not from here and do not have the safety net of family to help out. Since being in Nashville I have connected with one other women in the same boat and she is the one I call when I am overwhelmed or just looking to gripe in general. We keep each other in check, reassure one another and can relate to one another to show we are not alone. But then I have great neighbors who are stay at home moms and they may be the ones I call for mom tips.

For women we are raised/born to be independent and self-sufficient which makes it hard to ask for "help". We are also programmed to put families first and in my case work is next. So with that there is not much time to gather on a regular basis. But with our friends -in a group or individually – we get what we need to keep us grounded, motivated and reassured because the best friends are the ones you call after 6mos and it feels like yesterday.

God has gifted me with the ability to mentor, my God core is a pearl polisher. Helping women to see who they are, how God had made them and to realize that under the lies, and insecurity and crap that they are a precious gem. Here is the problem. I'm scared to death to do what God has called me to. I want to run and hide and with every gal that I know God is drawing me to or bringing to me, I pray that it is a mistake or that they just pass me by without stopping. I tell myself (or satan tells me) I don't know God's word well enough, I have made so many mistakes why would anyone listen to me or want to share themselves with me, who do I think I am… the lies go on. I think jealousy and insecurity and petty issues do get in the way but I can honestly say fear is my biggest issue.

I agree with Anne that insecurity and jealousy are part of the problem. I also agree with Diane that many women are so so busy taking care of everyone else they do not take time to care for themselves. This is a tragic mistake.
I am blessed to be involved in mentoring relationships in both directions. Having women in my life who are further along on the journey, as well as women who are young and audacious, bring perspective and challenge of two very different, but equally marvelous, sorts. In the best mentoring relationships, I believe we call out things in one another that we could never find alone. God always meant us to live in community. I am more myself when I am in communion with others. I am also a better wife, mother, and friend.
To Lori, I would say, don't wait til you have it all together to mentor others. If you are open and vulnerable with the women God sends to you, they will learn as much from your mistakes as they do from your wisdom. How wonderful to give them the gift of learning from your mistakes so they don't necessarily have to make the same ones themselves. Such has been my experience.
And to Jeffrey and to other kind men who covet this gift on behalf of women in their lives, I would say one of the best things you can do is create the space for them. Volunteer to keep the kids, or to bring home dinner. Let her know that you believe it is important for her to take care of herself.

This is a great topic and one I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. It seems like all the women that I would love to have as a mentor are too busy…or at least in my eyes. I tend to discount myself by thinking, “they wouldn’t want to mentor me, they have way more important things to do.” (not that mentoring isn’t important, it just takes a distant 10th behind husband, kids, home, family, church, etc..)

And I don’t mean ‘busy’ in a bad sense…women, in general, have so much on their plates so we understand how other women don’t need another thing added to the plethora of responsibilities. There’s good ‘busy’ and bad ‘busy’, but that’s another story.

Again, wonderful topic…I’m going to tweet this.

~melody~

It seems like women in general are more threatened by other women, where, in general, men have mastered the art of being friendly with other men while remaining competitive. Maybe that has something to do with it. I have found that when someone gets a promotion, many women act as if the promotion was “stolen” from them, that there is now one less position in the cosmos, instead of being genuinely happy for the other person, man or woman.